Controlling behavior isn't always physical aggression and outright demands, in fact if someone doesn't know what to watch out for. It's possible they won't even realize they're being controlled. Here's why black woman in particular are controlling, behaviors to look out for and how to deal with any passive aggressive woman who likes controlling people.
A controlling person is someone who attempts to maintain control, authority and decision making/ power over other people and situations. Controlling behaviour can include everything from directly telling telling someone what they can or cannot do to more discreet methods like, guilt -tripping or as I like to call it, in the case of black woman, guilt -trapping and gaslighting, possessiveness with six ssssss please like and share just for that one alone. Oftentimes the wants and needs of the person being controlled are completely dismissed or even disrespected.
Where this behaviour comes from
Controlling another person comes down to not feeling secure enough in yourself so you have to exercise your control over another person.
As somatic psychologist and author of Reclaiming pleasure, Holly Richmond, pH,D, tells in her book that oftentimes controlling behaviour most likely stems from the insecurities and anxious attachments that one might suffer from. For example, "If you're not with me, I can't soothe myself, so I have to know where you are every second of the day," So in other words, controlling behaviour is a product of anxiety and fear which are two things most common in modern day black woman today. Sometimes it could be fear of what's going to happen, and there's this bad movie playing in your head, and sometimes it's the knot knowing.
A few things to look at too see if your partner is not a passively controlling you in your relationship.
(1) Number one might be that she is always trying to (call the shots) you might be the breadwinner in the relationship but she always wants to control how you spend your money, always. When you go out with your male friends, she asks the time, place and what you would be doing with your friends as if implying something would go wrong.
Basically like controlling all the decision making in the relationship without the authority and accountability.
(2) (Disrespecting privacy boundaries) whether it's interfering with your family matters and if you have a child starting drama with your baby mama. Doesn't want you to have your own personal freedom outside the relationship, it's either her alone and know one else, or her alone and know one else.
(3) ( Picking unnecessary fights) picking fights seemingly from nowhere can also be a control tactic, and just knowing that fact that she is a woman and would just play the " you can't fight with girls " argument when she was the one who initiated the altercation is still baffling to me, that modern day society allow woman to get away with this one. This is especially true if they start picking fights whilst you are with them and in a public place, signs of that she is instilling dominating tactics on you.
Those are a few things you might want to look out for when pursueing a partner in this modern time dating market. If there is other signs you might think of share them down below in the comments section.
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