MY LAST RIDE
I could not believe my body when I woke in the morning and realise that I am unable to rise from the bed. I could not smell the breeze of cool air or the fragrance of flowers which were on my window. I pulled myself out of the bed and walked towards the window, I opened the curtain to see the beauty of the new dawn. My throat was dry and I felt the need to drink water but dizziness could not allow me to make some more steps to the tap. I felled into the bed and tears began to roll, tears of fearing that I could not make it to the following hours of the day. Though I was lying on bed I could see myself on the mirror. I could see the person I have become and I began to wonder if there was a way back to a normal life. I had a fear that I am seeing my face for the last time. I tried to stretch my hand to reach the phone so that I can call for help but my hand overpowered the whole body and I felled into the floor
While I was lying on the floor my eyes were half opened and I could see the light of a small candle which was in my room fading. Though there was light outside my house, darkness inside was overpowering the light from that small candle. When I realised that something unusual was happening, two things came into my mind; first was my immediate family and the second one was my biological family. I began to crawl like a baby in order to get another candle to fight with the strength of darkness as the one which lasted for the whole night was about to fade. I crawled while shouting for help but my voice was not loud enough as I felt like there was something heavy on my chest. The light faded before I can reach the candle and I felt hopeless. On that moment I could feel that there was no motivational quote which could resuscitate my strength.
I finally gave up when I realised that sun rays were piercing into my room directly into my bed and I realised that there is no use to fight for a faded candle suddenly everything stopped. That moment when everything stopped, I turn to feel the breeze of cool and fresh air. While I was still lying I could hear the beeping of the machine which it was not usual in my room. I slightly opened my eyes and I could see shadows of people standing on the side of my bed. What were they doing next to my bed and how did they get into my bedroom became some of the questions which were in my mind. Fear began to sink into my nerves and it felt like I slept in a ghost town or I have been ambushed by ghosts. I had courage to face my fear and stand toe to toe against it. I told myself that if I let fear to dictate its terms in my life I would turn to be worthless and a burden to myself. I opened my eyes and realised that what I saw was not ghosts but my family members. On that moment I failed to realise that my immediate family was not there. There was something unusual with the place I waked up at and it was not familiar to my eyes.
All the time I was lying hopelessly on the hospital bed. My thought was that it was my first day at the hospital only to be told that I have been in a comma for the past two days. Whatever I saw while I was sleeping was just a dream and I had to try and find out the meaning of such dream. I heard my brother instructing the doctor to do everything which could save my life. Those words brought a smile to my heart and strength to my feet. It was good to realise that there are people who still care about me after coming from a bad dream which left me in stitches. Even though I had a thought that there are some people who care about me, I remain unsatisfied about the reason which made me to be in the hospital.
Lying on my back on the hospital bed I had forfeited my rights of saying my body my choice because on that time I could barely lift up a finger. Something serious should have happen to my life and I should let my memory to refresh. Thinking too much hard without knowing what has brought me to the hospital was just a waste of time and lack of sense. I had to allow the situation to unfold so that I can have better answers the following day. If I am responsible for the situation which I was currently facing, how did it all happen? I thought.
I returned back to sleep hoping that the dream shall return so that I can find answers about my life. Like a baby, I cruised through the night and woke up the following morning. That dream has sailed like a ship to another land. My puzzle remained unsolved. Later on, the doctor came to inform me that I will be released so that I can send farewell to my loved ones. My mind rushed and tears began to roll, they were tears of confusion because I did not understand the situation. Watch which was on the wall was ticking without stopping. If it was possible on that moment I could turn back the hands of time and maybe I was going to find answers about my life, so I thought. Time was not stopping or pausing but continuing to move forward.
My body could not move from the bed and I felt like I was fastened tight. The word ‘loved one’ was roving in my mind like a hawk flying in circles intending to catch a prey. My mind began to gain strength and I realised that the first time I woke up my wife and kids were not there. I began to wonder about what might have happen to them. My prayer was that nothing bad should happen to them. I thought about the vows which I made on my wedding day, to protect, to cherish and to take care of my wife and children. Their absence raised lot of questions in my mind. On that time no one was prepared to tell me why I was at the hospital and about the loved one which I should send farewell to them. Something bad might have happen to them but to remain strong I had to ignore anything negative in my mind. What I was told left me with more questions than answers since I was lying on bed. If it was possible I could fly away from all the pains and join hands with my family and cover them with love.
Ignoring many questions which I had in my mind was not going to cool the pain which I was feeling both in my heart and on my body. I turned my head to the left side of my bed only to notice two phones with broken screens. One phone looked like mine and the other one was like my wife’s phone. Though it was with cracks and dust I could see that the other phone was the same as the one of my wife. I tried to move a hand so that I can grab one of the phones but it was heavy and painful. The situation which I was in began to sink into my mind. I then realised that nobody owes me answers than myself. It was a bitter pill to swallow when negative thoughts were flooding into my mind. I told myself to never think evil about my family but something was denying what I was thinking. Something bad might have happened which angered my wife to extent that she even decided not to see me without understanding the situation I was experiencing. I tried to introspect myself so that I could find answers about what have actual happen. My wife was not a person who leaves her phone behind but to my surprise it was next to me.
My angel of love was not closer to me to witness pains and suffering which I was experiencing. Where can I get the prophet who can explain the dream to me so that I can know what has tiered my life apart. Fate was telling me something which I never thought it will tell me but I pressed it down so that it can support my thoughts. Suddenly the door opened and I half opened my eyes so that I could see who was coming. My brother got inside and took those phones which were hurting me. Just after he left, I heard voices of men speaking next to the door of my ward. Even though I was in pains I could hear that none of the voices was of my brother. I heard one of the men asking about my recovery so that I can face my charges. In a moment the door open and the doctor walked in followed by two police officers. That was the time when I realised that my hand was cuffed with the corner of the bed.
The prophet which I wished should come and explain my dreams came in a form of police official. Police officials were the one who revealed to me why I was lying on the hospital bed cuffed. On that time I only thought that fingers were pointed to the wrong person but reality is that the taste of an egg will never be similar with taste of the meat even though they all contains proteins. Truth was that I had surrendered my freedom to them because of my actions. I was careless when enjoying freedom which was offered to me for free by the constitution by disregarding rights of other civilians.
To cut the long story short, I was told that the reason I was on hospital bed was that I drove my car recklessly under the influence of intoxication which resulted in collusion. On that collusion eight people including my wife and kids lost their lives. How did I reach to this situation? No one has force me to drive on the night of the collusion but I thought I have enough experience since I was used to do that and survive. On the date of the collusion, I and my family were full of joy and energetic. As it was a festive season we went to attend end of the year function with friends and colleagues. Beverages were flowing like river Jordan into the Dead Sea and joy overwhelmed me to extent that I forgot that I still have to drive my family back to home safe. I never thought that the Dead Sea will be the end of the journey of the life which it took me so long to build, never thought that when river Jordan empties itself to the Dead Sea there will be gnashing of teeth and sorrows. River Jordan is full of rich history which has peace and freedom but I failed to realise that freedom comes with responsibility. It was my responsibility to save my family and the other people who were involved in the collision.
I felt like my world has come to an end when I was told that I have killed my wife and kids and that reminded me of the fading light. I tried to stretch my hand to save it but there was nothing I could do. Words of death were heavy on my chest and the mirror which I saw on my dream was a true reflection of my life. I could not turn back the hands of life and my second chance to live and witness what I have done was like jumping from the frying pan to the fire. When the three coffins of my immediate family were lowered down in to the dark shadow of the grave I felt like I can jump from the wheelchair straight into the bottom of the grave. I was dead inside and every drop of tear felt useless to me when I realise what I have done. Pain, regret and sorrows were nothing compared to what I have done.
Cursing my life was not going to return back those I killed, I destroyed innocent souls which were coming from worshiping their saviour. My happiness of that day was nothing than a tragedy which I shall live to regret. To say that I had no choice is a lousy excuse as choices are always available but I quickly choose to ignore such because of some selfish desires which sometimes results in tragedy and poor history of life. It takes number of years to grow a tree but when it dries up and burned by fire it turns to be useless ashes, that was my life story. I have turned to be useless ashes because of my actions.
When dust has been returned to dust I was pushed into the police van to take me to prison which was going to be my new home. Many people hoped that I should die in prison but my wish was to have died on the day of the accident. Life has a way to correct or discipline those who disobey rules of the nature. As for the wishes of people, I was given a lifetime sentence in prison but my medical conditions would not allow me to remain there for so long. I was referred to psychologist to assist me regain emotional strength but each time I make a visit it was like refreshing the wounds. My career and my family have been destroyed by my hands.
I was released from prison as results of poor medical conditions and many thought I have received liberty at a foetus stage. As for me it was not liberty as outside was more torturous than being surrounded by prison wall. Since I have destroyed my life, after being released from prison I had to return back to my biological family, I was no longer having power and had no choice of food but had to eat whatever is handed before me. Living outside of the prison took me back to where I began a good journey of life and I lost control of it along the way. No one could have thought that my life will have disastrous ending and some think that I have regain back my liberty as result of being released from prison.
I understand that many people were speaking out of anger and hate because of what I have done but I was finding it difficult to live. How can I have happily life whereas I know very well that a certain family has orphans because of my actions, some people no longer have peace and security because of me. I find it hard to live knowing that some children no longer have a mother or a father figure and their future is shaking because of my careless behaviour. I can no longer look my in-laws directly on their eyes because guilty is written on my face and I believe that they have every right to judge and degrade me. I could have done better but I chose to do the worse, choices were before my hands. The night of the accident I was drunk and there is nothing I can reverse and the freedom which I should be enjoying has faded like a candle which came in my dream. Now I believe that life is not a chance but a choice, I could have done better to arrive alive which could have saved many souls and prevent sorrows. If I were to take a medical jab for someone to live I could take twice and if I could sell my only mode of transport to save lives I would rather walk or ride a wheelchair and if I could be offered a glass of beer knowing that I will drive I could drink water, life does not have a reverse gear its only moving forward and not stopping. Happiness without responsibility is a good recipe for disaster
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