Relationship attachment issues are ALWAYS about YOU and the stories you tell yourself about how you should interact with others. They are NEVER about the other person.
Before we even begin, I want to give you a resource recommendation...
The New Science of Love and Attachment is attached. This excellent book explains the science underlying attachment issues and offers solutions.
After clearing up the subject of the suggested readings, consider the following ideas regarding relationship attachment problems and solutions.
1. Recognize Your Attachment Style
Attachment styles in relationships come in four different varieties.
Secure: You feel at ease being alone yourself, enjoying closeness, and letting people into your life.
Avoid: You have trouble letting others into your life and struggle with intimacy. Because you can't manage the intimacy, this frequently manifests as undermining healthy relationships.
Anxious: You find it difficult to be by yourself and develop severe anxiety when it comes to your relationship. Clingy, needy, and overbearing conduct are terms used to describe this kind of behavior.
The least common and worst kind of relationship style is anxious/avoidant. When your relationship is going well, you worry to death about your spouse, and when it's not, you push them away rather than attempting to make things right.
It's crucial to understand that each of these attachment forms is adaptable. They aren't entirely your fault, and you CAN change them if you so choose. They are frequently the product of early conditioning, and if you don't do anything to change them, they could have an impact on your entire life.
You can take dozens of tests to determine your attachment style online, and it's crucial that you know which one you are.
2. Fixing Attachment Problems
There isn't a simple solution for any attachment condition. Early in childhood, your attachment style develops and is completely out of your control during the first few years of your life.
You CAN alter it... But it demands effort.
I suggest the following if you want to alter your attachment style:
If the issue is serious, consider working with a cognitive behavioral therapist. They'll be able to assist you more effectively than this post could.
Think about the REALITY of your attachment type as you journal and meditate. Do you relish avoiding closeness? Do you wish to experience enmity? Do your connections make you feel fulfilled? Do you encounter problems with wanting to commit but failing to do so? Do you dislike how a relationship might bind your identity? Sometimes all it takes to get insights on how to improve something is to sit in meditation and write about it in your journal.
Act to experience feelings. Contrary to what some people would tell you, actions frequently take precedence over emotions. You must consciously CHOOSE to act differently, even when you don't feel like it, if you want to enhance your attachment style. Talk to your spouse in depth about your emotions or engage in intimate physical touch. DON'T text or call your spouse as frequently as you normally would, and develop your independence. Even while this WILL be uncomfortable, gradually your actions will start to affect how you feel.
3. The Real Secret to Successful Relationships Gaining Security
Fixing the signs of attachment problems is very different from truly feeling comfortable in your relationships.
You can do the right things, yes, but if your fundamental emotions and feelings don't alter as well, you'll find yourself trapped in an endless cycle of emotional repression.
The secret is to develop security.
Why do you do this?
By developing YOURSELF and cultivating self-love.
Here are some suggestions:
Keep a thankfulness notebook every day to remind yourself how wonderful your life is (you are alive, aren't you? Then life is wonderful!"
Spend more time engaging in activities you LOVE and that send you into a state of flow.
Develop interests, passions, and relationships AWAY from your current relationship to lessen your reliance on just one person.
Develop your physical fitness... You'll also develop emotional and spiritual toughness as a result of doing this.
Take chances to show yourself that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to... both in relationships and in life
Improve your inner dialogue to boost your self-esteem (stop talking poorly about yourself and start using positive terms when speaking to yourself)
Recognize that this process will require patience, education, and time. To apply these principles in a way that works for you, you'll need to learn more than I could possibly teach. It won't happen over night.
Hold your head high. I guarantee that you can and will become better.
Hope this was helpful.
Keep Your Ground,
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