Brawls are something I abhor. I'm irritated by conflict. I detest being emotionally upset. It irritates me considerably when my companion is upset. I dislike all the unpleasant emotions that occur when I argue. Making blunders that I subsequently regret is something I loathe. When my partner says something hurtful, I loathe it. When people use the word "hate," it irritates me.
When it comes to conflict, I am a pacifist. Many of them are, but not all of them. For some people, fighting is a sport. You should definitely stop reading unless you want to peek into the experience of folks who struggle in high-conflict settings.
According to John and Julie Gottman, two of the world's foremost experts on couples, how one fights in a marriage is more significant than how often one fights. Respect is the deciding factor. Fighting isn't a threat to a relationship in and of itself, as long as both partners respect each other.
Here are seven reasons why skillfully engaging your partner and managing contention is crucial if you're afraid of disagreement and strong negative emotions.
These are the seven benefits that come from healthy fighting and effective resolution:
1. It strengthens the relationship by instilling trust.
When constructive disagreement occurs within boundaries, or guidelines, that allow emotional expression while avoiding violence, a relationship is strengthened. A couple can see the bright skies after enduring the storm, and with calm waters on the horizon, a deeper understanding emerges.
Coming out on the other side of a struggle strengthens one's belief in the system. When I know I can live, fighting becomes less daunting. I prefer to voice my concerns to my partner sooner rather than later, when they are less likely to evoke an angry response, because delaying a confrontation is less harmful.
Arguments can pop from out of nowhere, blinding both partners. Surviving these failures strengthens one's dispute resolution skills.
2. You'll have a more upbeat outlook.
When you let off steam and express your feelings, tension, worry, and dread are released. I feel "lighter" and "as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders" when this happens. When worry and tension, as well as the chemicals that accompany them, are reduced, it not only feels better, but it is also a healthier state (this does not mean venting or dumping toxic shit on your partner).
Keeping emotions locked up all of the time causes stiffness in the mind, body, and soul. This isn't an academic position. In one of my prior relationships, I acquired an ulcer because I couldn't deal with my partner's emotional expression.
3. Your companion will be aware of your thoughts, feelings, and opinions.
When you can adequately describe yourself, your mate will understand the depth of your feelings on the subject. If you say quietly and discreetly, "I don't like it when you do X," your partner will assume you're irritated over something insignificant. If you can communicate with some loudness and emotion, they will understand why this is important to you.
Fighting brings out our most heinous traits. Working through problems, on the other hand, might bring out our best attributes. We learn about the beautiful, bad, and ugly qualities of ourselves and our partners while still loving them.
4. The level of intimacy has increased.
Fighting exposes what our partners care about, what they dislike, what they want, where their boundaries are, how flexible they are, what hurts them, and what they need to feel better. Finding these facets increases one's sense of intimacy and admiration for the other.
Fighting may be a valuable learning experience that helps you understand yourself and your spouse better.
After a fight, physical intimacy can also help. And to think that the overwhelming majority of us feel that confrontation should be avoided at all costs.
5. You and your partner are two distinct individuals.
Once we've settled into a relationship, it's natural to assume that our spouse is aware of our mood, wants, and desires. Some even feel they have the ability to (or should be able to) read our minds. Fighting, on the other hand, dispels these delusions rapidly.
It is obvious that we are dealing with their person when we are confronted with someone who is openly offended and communicates their displeasure of our point of view, opinion, or action. It can be difficult to recognize them when new aspects of their personality develop. It's a terrifying sight to see.
Our partner may be behaving horribly at times, but the monster we see is frequently a projection on our part. After the storm has passed, a more thorough investigation of what happened may be conducted.
6. It aids in the development of a more powerful personality.
You may improve your tolerance, compassion, and love by focusing on what counts — that you care about this person and want them to be happy (without losing sight of your own needs).
Combat is like to pounding a piece of steel into shape. At initially, the uncooked product lacks strength and flexibility. It is repeatedly heated, folded, and re-formed into a gorgeous work of art capable of withstanding the shocks and strains of fierce engagement without breaking, just like the samurai swords of old.
7. You don't have to be perfect; after all, you're only human.
Fighting demonstrates that you are a human, not some perfect heavenly creature, that you have the perfect relationship, and that you are superior to all others. It shows that you are irritable, worried, or just fatigued on occasion.
It indicates unresolved issues in your brain, whether they are for control, power, or self-esteem, as a result of a lack of acknowledgment or respect. Whatever your issues are, they will inevitably appear in a close relationship.
I hope I've demonstrated that fighting can be a positive relationship function. If done correctly, you can get a better understanding and affection for your partner. It's straightforward to discuss. It's not an easy task.
Thanks for reading.
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