I’ve had my fair share of dates gone wrong. You know the ones where you think it’s all going to work out but for some reason or another, it doesn’t. Maybe you’ve dated the guy that says he will protect you but doesn’t. Maybe you’ve dated the girl who says he will love you only to break your heart. Maybe you’ve dated the guy who went on one date with you and then ghosted you. Maybe you’ve dated the girl who took advantage of you and left you to pick up the pieces. All of these and more are not love. There are specific things love does and doesn’t. When you see these four things that love doesn’t do in your relationship, then run. So what is love? Love motivates you. Love pushes you to do your best. Love seeks to find beauty in life. Love extends grace to those who need it most. There are a lot of things that love is but there are also a lot of things that love isn’t. Don’t settle for just anyone. Don’t allow yourself to date or marry someone who lives in the what-love-doesn’t-do category.
1. Lives In The Gray Area
Love doesn’t dwell in the gray area, especially in dating. If someone isn’t wanting to be upfront with you about where they see the relationship going or if they are leading you on, then then they are living in the gray area. Love is clear. It doesn’t live in the unknown. It provides clarity and understanding. It lives by honesty and commitment. When there is no commitment in a relationship, it only leaves you more confused and wondering where this is all going. There should be clear boundaries, expectations, and commitment provided. The reason people dwell in the gray area is when they don’t want commitment. You don’t want someone who is just looking for a late night hookup-then-breakup kind of thing. You want someone who will be committed to love. Who will be committed to you. If bae isn’t willing to commit to you now, then he or she won’t be willing to commit to you in the long run. Love doesn’t live in the gray area. Love has clarity and commitment. Love seeks to clear any confusion. Love dwells in the black and white. Love lives in commitment.
2. Lives Selfishly
You know that person, the one who won’t stop talking about themselves. The one who doesn’t care about you or what you are going through. Everything in the world revolves around them and their needs. Honestly, these kinds of people are draining. In a relationship it only exemplifies itself. This person is not in the relationship for you or has your best interest in mind. This kind of person only wants a partner who will make them better. Love doesn’t think only about themselves. Love thinks of the other person above themselves. They see the needs of others around them. Not just their own needs, but looks up to the needs of others. It sees the mom who needs the door to be opened, it sees the friend who is hurting, it offers help to a neighbour. Someone who lives selfishly will not have your best interest in mind. You want a partner who loves you beyond themselves. Who will push you to be the best you can be. Who will move outside of themselves and live selflessly.
3. Avoid Communication
Are you the non-confrontational type? While you may be non-confrontational there is a difference between this and being a communication avoider. When the first sign of trouble comes up or when an argument occurs, love doesn’t get angry and storm out. Love doesn’t ignore the issue and move on while holding a grudge. Love doesn’t avoid communication. Good communication doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time. You have to continually be working on it. Looking for ways to better the communication you have. When the arguments come and they will, or when there are misunderstandings, look for the ways you can work on communication. Instead of running at the first sight of communication and confrontation, face it head-on. Don’t be afraid of it. Love doesn’t avoid things, it faces them and addresses them. Even in the hard moments, when it wants to run, it doesn’t. It seeks peace and pursues it.
4. Look For Completion In Another Person
Love doesn’t look for someone to complete them. It looks for someone who will complement them. You will never be able to complete anyone. Period. The lie that he or she will complete you will quickly shatter. The moment they fail you. The moment you realize they will never be enough. That is when you realize they will never be able to complete you.
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