The worst thing about dating isn't the boredom and confusion that comes with the idea of being single and starting over. It's not the money spent going places you really don't want to hang out.
The worst thing about dating is the audacity that most of us believe we have the right to waste other people's time. The sooner we can all admit this crucial truth to ourselves, the easier it will be to conquer the dating game.
I am not an expert, but I know that dating is not a complicated task. It can be scary to question yourself, but a lot of things in life come with risk and you either want to go out or you don't want to.
Making new friends and getting along well with others are simple lessons we learn as children. By the time you become an adult, you have a pretty good idea of how to behave in social settings.
Of course, you will have your experiences along the way when the going gets tough, but most of the time you should be good, if not excellent. That being said, most people know within the first five minutes of meeting and talking with someone if there's a spark or connection.
We know if we want to move forward to get to know them better and if we want to see them again very soon in the future. The problem is, our emotional hunger immediately begins to lead us astray. Right away we start entertaining the ideas instead of the person we were trying to connect with.
This is where the waste of time comes in; as we begin to project our emotional hunger onto the other person, setting unrealistic expectations based on fantasies and illusions rather than reality. This is the recipe for disaster.
This is the main reason we run around like a dog chasing its own tail in the dating game. No matter where or when we have met a person, once our emotions are engaged, we find it difficult to see things as they are.
We color people to coincide with our desires (good and bad) and when they don't meet expectations, we reject or abandon them. So how can we learn from this huge dating mistake?
Start by learning to govern with logic instead of emotion. Quickly adapt to know what you want versus what you don't want in a potential partner. If you're not entirely sure about either one, get a pen and paper and write a list.
Make sure your list is based on your current real life priorities and not on something that occurred to you after watching one of those Nicholas Sparks movies. By doing this, you are intellectualizing your bottom line. This is a very practical approach that makes it easy to stop avoiding fantasy and tackle exactly what you are looking for head-on.
Second, try to clean up what you are afraid of, especially emotionally. It will help you make more reasonable and rational decisions in the dating game. If you want to go deeper, dive into your spiritual side and establish a foundation for who you are.
I firmly believe in embodying and personifying the same characteristics and qualities that one looks for in a potential partner. If you haven't yet reached the goal of reaching your full potential, start by setting goals before you even seek a serious relationship.
It is quite unfair to desperately search for someone who is a good listener who is financially stable, honest, loyal, sexy and confident when you are in debt to your waist, obnoxious, liar, idiot with no real direction on where you are.
I want to go in life. Our egos and our obsession with ourselves often give us a false sense of entitlement. The idea that we are worthy of someone who is almost as amazing as we see ourselves in our head distorts our perception of the reality in which we live on a daily basis.
This is why so many of us end up wasting time getting involved in numerous diverse relationships that were ultimately doomed to failure before they began.
Work on yourself because it is extremely important to have your things together! Finally, you want to be as direct as possible. It is not fair to the other person or yourself to throw youth tracks and play around with certain topics (marriage, children, career goals, etc.).
What I've learned is that one of the kindest things you can do for someone's time is to be as direct as possible. Be sincere. Don't keep asking someone for coffee if you or they have already indicated in many ways that this has zero chance of moving out of the friend zone.
If you don't have time today, reschedule. If you're ahead of the game and already know that deep down inside you just don't feel connected, then respectfully decline the invite, delete their number, and move on.
Time is precious and you really don't have the luxury of wasting it. Being direct and paying close attention to your early interactions helps you critically look for "red flags" and determine if it's worth continuing.
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