Q: I have been married for five years. I recently found out that my husband has taken a second wife, and they lived together last year. I was devastated. I know this from his close friends. When I confronted him he said he did not want to hurt me. What should I do? I am very sad because I trusted him so much.
ANSWER: You look shocked, and my heart goes out to you. You are suffering because you trusted your husband, but he ended up betraying you. You're worried that you're marrying a second wife, even behind your back. The fact that your husband kept the secret of his second marriage bothers you without his reasons.
So how do you deal with these revelations? You can decide how much to carry. In the decision-making process, I would suggest that you take a closer look at the past three years of your marriage and ask yourself if you are happy or not. By the time he was married to both of them and his second wife without your knowledge, how did he treat you? What about your discovery?
You will need to talk to a close friend or family member who will give you a shoulder to lean on during this difficult time. After self-examination, you may be able to have a relaxed conversation with your husband and especially with the family mediator.
Remember, even if you are injured, the conflict will only push your husband away. Note that he has already decided to have another wife, and so making him feel guilty will not help. At the same time, do not cling, beg, beg, beg, or deceive. It will only make the situation worse. Be strong. Make it clear that while you would like to save the marriage, your life will continue, and you must rise as your husband.
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