A good sexual relationship is built on emotional intimacy and closeness. In other words, if you’re hoping to improve your physical relationship, you need to first work on your emotional connection. Focus on meeting your partner’s needs and communicating your own needs in a loving, respectful way. During the early phase of marriage, many couples barely come up for air due to the excitement of falling in love. Unfortunately, this blissful state doesn’t last forever. Scientists have discovered that oxytocin (a bonding hormone) released during the initial stage of infatuation causes couples to feel euphoric and turned on by physical touch. It actually works like a drug, giving us immediate rewards that bind us to our lover. The spark in a marriage doesn’t last long unless you and your partner put efforts into keeping the spark alive. Among the hoards of responsibilities and burdens, marriage can become very monotonous, resulting in a lack of romance and passion. This further leads to issues in the marriage which at times, can be unrepairable.
Here are 4 ideas to help you do it.
1. Be attentive to each other.
It’s easy to get into the habit of ignoring your partner and taking them for granted. But one of the best things you can do to help reignite the spark in a relationship is to start being attentive to each other. This doesn’t mean making a special effort to go out to dinner, or even to start cooking dinner and cleaning the house every night. It simply means talking (and really listening) to each other. Try to avoid the obvious topics of kids and work. Instead talk about things you each love – the kind of conversations you may have had when you first started dating. You could chat about movies you’ve seen, mutual friends, hobbies each of you enjoys… anything to reconnect with each other.
Why will this work? Because when people are married or in a long term relationship, they tend to forget about each other’s day to day desires and interests, focusing on the ‘important’ stuff like money and work. This often leads to a disconnect between each other, and as you become increasingly more like strangers who live in the same home, the spark can die away. Reconnecting with each other, you can not only remember exactly what it was that attracted you to each other, your zest for life, way of looking at the world, sharp humour, shared love of silly movies but you will feel treasured and loved in the way you cannot help but feel when someone genuinely shows an interest in you.
2. Get Rid of the Tech.
Be sure to spend time with your loved one, distraction-free. That means turning off the TV, or computer, and putting your cell phone away. Be fully present with them, listening and talking. Even better, eat dinner together (not in front of the TV) and catch up on the day’s events. Or get nostalgic and take a trip down memory lane to recount how you two met. It’s important to stay connected with your spouse, and talking regularly will achieve that.
3. Put Your Spouse First.
This is a big one, especially when the kids arrive. However, it could not be more important for your marriage and your kids to prioritise your spouse above all else. Say hello to your spouse first when walking through the door and show them how much you appreciate them through little gestures here and there. Being thoughtful and compassionate towards your partner shows that you’re paying attention to their desires. This translates well to the bedroom and models the way you may want to be treated.
4. Apologize and own your mistake.
So many people think that offering an apology is a sign of weakness. It is not. It shows that you take responsibility for any hurt, misunderstanding, or mistake you may have caused. In a peaceful relationship, the couple apologizes quickly and makes sure not to hang on to old hurts.
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