They lied to you. Talking about money, religion, politics, or even your ex on a first date isn't going to ruin your chances of success. You can do far worse the first time you meet someone. Here are some examples.
My dating history over the past four years has involved more than 30 dates with women. I've experienced the most incredible first date, the most boring evening, or the most bizarre meeting that had me wondering how I had ended up there.
Even though each person is different, I've started noticing trends. Below you'll find the three most common mistakes I see people make on dates, and how to avoid them. The truth is, dating is hard, and we could all use a little help.
1. Your date should be interrogated
My date and I were sitting at a bar on a cold November night. We both played with the wine glasses on the table while trying to have a conversation. The conversation wasn't flowing, but we were trying.
But perhaps she's trying too hard. She starts asking questions one after another.
I begin to feel like a witness being questioned by the police. The date vibes have gone, and I am there only to prove myself, to prove to that girl that I am a decent, trustworthy individual who can be a long-term romantic partner for her. Except I can't take it anymore; I'm tired, and I'm calling it a night. I'm not taking any more interrogations, for now.
Whether we like to admit it or not, we spend our first dates assessing who the person is. Assessing whether her habits will fit into our lifestyle? Will we agree on money matters?
The first date isn't the time to know everything about the other person. Just show genuine interest and ask questions, but not like the police. Dig deep into each subject matter.
2. Don't speak without listening
You shouldn't talk to me about physics ever, especially on a date. Who would talk about physics on a date? I have zero interest in the subject and am sure my brain is incapable of grasping it.
On a date, who would talk about physics anyway? This girl I met back in 2017. It was a summer night and we were eating outside. I said I had just returned from a trip and told her about it, but she cut me off, saying: "In those countries, gays are imprisoned in concentration camps."
Honestly, I could have done a better job on the physics topic. But she could have done a better job with my trip, too. We just weren't a good match. Listen to what someone says, and find something else you can talk about, some point of connection where you feel comfortable.
3. Don't take yourself too seriously
During a dark winter night, we are sitting in a poorly lit bar. The atmosphere is cozy, and the conversation isn't too bad.
The first date can be intimidating, and your nerves might start to show before and during it. We have all been there, and while we all react to stress differently, it's important to keep it light and fun. Scientists believe that comparing laughs can increase intimacy and openness as well as contribute to the formation of social bonds because laughter can release endorphins, the 'happy hormones' responsible for encouraging social bonds. But more than science, this is common sense: who doesn't like a good laugh?
On a first date, don't bring up heavy, negative topics. It's fine if they arise naturally in the conversation, but don't let them dominate the conversation. Instead, keep the conversation light and friendly.
Don't start the date by talking about how fat you feel, or how much debt you have, or how much you hate your city. Even though we all have dark sides, you don't need to let it be the focus of the date. When you meet someone new, you should take it slowly, and if the relationship develops, you'll get there, but don't jump in right away.
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