Trying to calm her down after texting her with "i wish you were HER" instead of "i wish you were HERE"
A gossip machine at rest:
I think condoms are produced by spirits because I have never heard of someone saying he works in a condom industry:
Bank teller: first name?
Bank teller: Last name?
Bank teller: So you're robin Dabank?
Mom: open your window to let some air in
Me wondering what I was breathing before:
Just try to look at your shoes the
same way again, You're welcome.
Me every time I look at my shoes:
Ex: "Hey, I miss you."
Me: "can't talk. I'm at funeral"
Ex: "OMG! who died?"
Me: "My feelings for you."
I stopped watching Nigerian movies when a patient fainted at the hospital and the doctor shouted "call the ambulance!"
You're british and you've never had an independence day because you're the reason independence days exist:
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