1. Do you ever make jokes in your head and accidentally Laugh out loud because you're so funny?
2. If I just keep looking cute They'll surely blame the dog
3. And why do you think you developed this overwhelming fear of couches?4. I heard a 2 year old refer to her pockets as "snack holes" and this is what I shall forever call them.5. Have you ever looked at Someone and thought shut the hell up. And they weren't even speaking.6. And Phyllis was never invited to another trampoline party again 7. Insane that I used to know how to do calculus and now I look at pictures of dogs on my phone 23 hours a day.8. There are two options: you take down the squirrel baffle and I eat your birdseed, or I eat the power line and take down your internet.9. When you drop a pill on the floor and have to invoke the 5 second rule
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