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Baby daddies and baby mamas: When one partner doesn't want the child.

Tlaki Baloyi

When someone spoke about a situation where a friend was having trouble with a baby mama he had asked to have an abortion when she fell pregnant but the lady refused, I went to the streets to ask the public about their views on the matter. According to this guy, his friend had asked this lady, who was a side chick then, to have an abortion since he didn’t want a child with her and had told her this beforehand and even asked her to stay on the pill.

The guy further explained that the lady started nagging the guy, wanting him to have a relationship with the child and even leaving nasty comments when she saw the pictures of his children which he had posted on social media even though the guy had a agreed to pay a maintenance fee which was agreed to in court.

43-year old Hilda Manganye said it becomes unfair if the guy forces her to have the abortion, she said she wouldn’t have the abortion since it goes against everything she believes in and it is risky as she might even die from having that abortion done.

“This is a matter which the both of us have to sit down and iron out all the issues and challenges that might emerge later. Yes, I have to respect the fact that he doesn’t want the child but what happens when the child asks about his or her father later in life? What if it requires some rituals from the father’s side later in life?” asked Manganye.

Bernard Mudau (50) said he also believes that he has to respect a woman’s decision because the body is hers. He said the issue of abortion and having children is quite unfair because women can decide whether they want to have the baby or not but men can’t. Mudau added that the so-called “side relationships” have to be handled with care. 

Tshepo Mazibuko (36) said a child is innocent and having a child is a privilege. He said other people want children but they can’t have them so even if it is a side relationship, he would rather come clean and tell the wife or the main chick the truth. He said deciding not to be part of the child's life is unfair on the child because the poor child didn’t do anything wrong. He concluded that wives and main chicks should appreciate it when their partners come clean and tell the truth. He said this is better than having to find out about the kids from outside on shows like Utatakho and Khumbul'ekhaya, or their kids finding out when the itfather has passed away.

A 29-year old lady, Nthabiseng Komane said the decision on whether she is having the child or not is hers and hers alone. Komane said if she doesn’t want to have an abortion and the guy doesn’t want anything to do with the child then it’s fine, the guy doesn’t even have to support the child financially.

“It is a tough one, the body is mine so he can’t force me. If he doesn’t want the child, then it’s okay. He has to respect my choice and l too has to respect his choice and his wishes. However, to make it easy, both of us should sit down, write this child a letter explaining the circumstances surrounding his conception and sign it. We would then have it certified at the police station and both of us should keep a copy. We should also discuss what we should do should the child require any cultural customs and rituals and what will happen should the child die” said 32-year old Brenda Baloyi. 

Evans Mboweni, 34, said it wouldn’t be fair to force the lady to have an abortion even if she is a side chick. Mboweni said a man should take responsibility and handle the situation wisely.

“Even if the wife or the main chick is going to get angry and fight with you about this, you would have told her the truth, which will set both of you free. Let the wife or the main chick know that this is your own flesh and blood and that there is no other choice to accept the child,” said Mboweni.

“If I ask her to abort the child and she doesn’t want to do it then she should accept and respect the fact that I don’t want to be a part of the child’s life, I don’t want anything to do with the child. Especially if I know that her being pregnant with my child and having it might destroy my family. I mean my children would suffer should anything happen between me and their mom. They will be affected emotionally and this will have an impact on their relationship with me and their relationship with their mother” he said.

Mogane also added that asking a lady to be on the pill or to have an abortion once she is pregnant means that he is distancing himself from the child. He said even when the child is grown up, the mother should explain to this child why she or he can’t have a relationship with his or her father.


Content created and supplied by: tlakib (via Opera News )

Bernard Mudau Hilda Manganye Manganye Tlaki Baloyi

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